What’s this?
The Continental GT V8 S, a four-seat luxury tourer that tops 300km/h, and a car that Anton Casey couldn’t afford.

Who?
You remember him. The Porsche-driving poster boy for obnoxious expats, former banker by trade, rhymes-with-banker by common consent. Gone from our shores but not forgotten, surely?

How do you know he couldn’t afford one?
Maybe he could, but to the snootier members of the ultra wealthy, people who drive Porsches do so only because they couldn’t afford something more posh, like a Bentley. The megarich don’t look down on such as you and me… well, they do, but they look down on the merely wealthy more.

But what makes you think a big, comfy cruiser like this is ever going to be a proper substitute for a German sportscar?
The fact that this is the ‘S’ model, a sharper, more powerful version of the basic Continental GT V8. It has the same 4.0-litre volcano under the bonnet, but with a teeny bit of extra turbo boost and tweaked engine computer settings. That gives it 521bhp, a 21bhp hike over the standard model.

True, both the coupe and Convertible are heavy enough to give Hercules a hernia, but they waft to 100km/h in 4.5 and 4.7 seconds respectively. With an optional sports exhaust, the car emits all kinds of hotsy-totsy sounds, but there’s still a velvet layer over the whole affair. The eight-speed auto feels like it’s filled with butter instead of transmission fluid, so even though the acceleration is unrelenting, it’s also seamless.

Wait, there’s a Convertible?
Yes, but it might not be in showrooms here until early 2014. Four seats, as well. It’s built like a roller-skate for Atlas, which is why it weighs a hefty 2,470kg, or 175kg more than the coupe. Incidentally, the coupe is the one to order if you can’t wait for your V8 S, because it arrives in the fourth quarter of this year.

Do they look the part?
Most assuredly, but subtly so. This is Bentley we’re talking about, so don’t expect huge wings or comedy air intakes the size of Anton Casey’s mouth. Instead, V8 S models have subtle aero features like a front splitter and a small rear diffuser. They actually reduce high-speed lift and cut drag by a tiny amount. The front grille is in gloss black and the rear has exhausts shaped like elongated peanut shells, and you’ll find ‘V8 S’ badges on the front fenders. 20-inch wheels are standard, and they’re designed to show off the enormous, painted brake calipers.

Doesn’t sound like much.
Not enough? V8 S customers can have wing mirrors in ‘Beluga gloss’ (shiny black to you and me), and another option is tinted lamps, front and rear. Bound to be popular, those. Inside there are two-tone interior options that let you mix-and-match from 17 colours, and in the coupe you can have a striking central stripe in the rooflining to match the upholstery’s main hide. Or how about some divine-looking contrast stitching?

But why stop there? I say you go for the 21 inch wheels and the carbon ceramic brakes, the biggest in the world (at 420mm front and 356mm rear). They work mighty well, too. Think of the lives that would have been saved if the Titanic had been fitted with these.

Plenty of go and some show, then. What else makes the V8 S special?
The suspension’s been extensively revised. Sorry to get technical, but the front end kinematics are slightly altered to give more feedback and increased steering precision. The power steering even has new software. Many of the suspension bushes have been stiffened by up to 70 percent, to giver tauter responses to steering inputs, and rear anti-roll by has been stiffened by 54 percent to give the front end more turn-in bite. The V8 S sits 10mm lower than the V8, and the air springs are stiffer all round. The damping has been firmed up as well, although it still offers four selectable settings.

Sounds uncomfortable.
Not a bit. Maybe the American roads we drove on were smoother than what we’re used to over here, but the V8 S is remarkably unruffled by the bumpy stuff, especially in light of the fact that it’s noticeably sharper than the V8. It’s more eager to dive toward an apex, less eager to run wide, and at high speeds it feels incredibly planted.

So it’s a sportscar substitute, after all?
It’s still more fast yacht than speedboat. The V8 S may be unfeasibly composed around corners, but its specialty is still the Continental’s basic ability to cover ground rapidly with brutal effectiveness. Tickle the throttle and you’re at 160km/h, and unless you look at the speedo you won’t even know you’re there. Even the Convertible is incredibly refined. With the roof down and the wind deflector in place, at up to 140km/h you can do something that some old married couples can’t, which is have a conversation without shouting.

Surely there’s a flaw somewhere?
Well, for something priced like an apartment there are too many elements in the cabin that are too obviously from Volkswagen, the corporate octopus that has owned Bentley for a dozen years. The satnav graphics are what you’d find in a Passat, for instance, and some of the dashboard buttons feel cheap. It’s weird, like walking into a mansion and finding bookshelves from Ikea. The Convertible’s roof takes ages to fold, as well.

I bet the back seats are token items, too.
Actually, no. An adult could ensconce himself in the rear of the cabin without begging to be euthanised after an hour. It’s about as spacious as four-seater coupes can be. As for the front seats, we spent around nine hours in them — with obligatory stops for apple pie and the like — and probably emerged in better shape than when we set off.

I know! The fuel consumption. Tell me it’s terrible.
For something this big, this plush and this fast? Sorry, but it isn’t. Thanks to tricky features like variable displacement (half of the engine shuts down automatically and unobtrusively when you’re cruising along), the V8 S can average 10.6L/100km and Convertible gets by on 10.9L/100km. With a 90-litre tank you should be able to travel more than 800km before stopping for fuel. In truth, you probably won’t see that sort of frugality because the engine’s thrust is addictive, but neither will owning a V8 S make you feel like you’re single-handedly propping up the share prices of Shell and BP.

Sounds like they’ve thought of everything, then.
Nearly everything. The Continental GT is a remarkably complete machine, and in V8 S trim it’s a firecracker of a car. But as much as Bentley is hoping to steal sales from Porsche’s 911 Turbo S or Maserati’s GranTurismo S, the biggest casualty of the V8 S will come from within. It’s hard to imagine anyone wanting Bentley’s own Continental GT V8 after test-driving the V8 S. The price gap between the two cars hasn’t been finalised, but a Bentley is supposed to be a treat to oneself, so it’s easy to see the V8 S becoming the best-selling Continental. Besides, who wants to buy a basic V8 now, and risk being thought of as poor?

NEED-TO-KNOW: Bentley Continental GT V8 S
Engine 3,993cc, 32V, twin-turbo V8
Power 450bhp at 5,500rpm
Torque 680Nm at 2,000rpm
Gearbox 8-speed automatic
Top Speed 309km/h (limited)
0-100km/h 4.5 seconds
Fuel efficiency 10.6L/100km (combined)
CO2 246g/km
Price To Be Announced
Availability Fourth Quarter, 2014

NEED-TO-KNOW: Bentley Continental GT V8 S Convertible
Engine 3,993cc, 32V, twin-turbo V8
Power 450bhp at 5,500rpm
Torque 680Nm at 2,000rpm
Gearbox 8-speed automatic
Top Speed 308km/h (limited)
0-100km/h 4.7 seconds
Fuel efficiency 10.9L/100km (combined)
CO2 254g/km
Price To Be Announced
Availability Fourth Quarter, 2014